I spend a lot of my time driving. Which is fine, I enjoy it. But it does mean that I am constantly subjected to other people’s attempts at humour.
Bumper stickers for instance. What is their purpose? The owner can’t see it, so I can only assume that s/he feels the need to share their “humour” with other drivers. Trouble is, they’re just not funny.
“Yes I do own the whole damn road!” No, actually you don’t.
“Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on!” Oh pu-lease, who do you think you are? Lewis Hamilton?
“My other car is a broom!” Then it’s not a car is it Einstein?
Worse than bumper stickers are those “Baby on Board” signs. I mean, really. People who don’t know you don’t care, and those who do know you probably don’t need a sign to know you’ve procreated.
Perhaps parents think these signs create a protective bubble around the car.
They don’t. If I’m about to crash into you, seeing your Baby on Board sign is not going to avert disaster. “Oh goodness, they have a baby on board, best I think twice about going through with this accident…”
Bumper stickers do peel off though, and babies grow up into less valuable teenagers.
A more permanent display of a driver’s “humour” is their personalised plate.
To purchase your own unique combination of letters and numbers it will set you back $839.
I’d like to point out the ludicrousness of spending that amount of money on something that you’ve already got free.
More money than sense, as my mum would say.
More money than sense of humour too.
They’re not funny. Nor are they clever. How funny/clever can you be with a maximum of six characters?
Personalised plates fall into three categories. Firstly, those that state the blindingly obvious.
There’s a BMW. It has a BMW logo, front and back. It’s shaped like a BMW. Even the hubcaps have BMW on them. So what does the owner do?
They spend eight hundred and thirty nine dollars on a personalised plate that says BMUU. Or BEEMER. Or BEMA. Or whatever desperate interpretation of that is left.
Next there is the plate that show the person’s interests. I don’t care what your hobby is, what your job is, or what kind of dog you have. FISHN. RLEST8. CORG1.
Lastly, and probably most annoying, is the obscure personalised plate. The one that you have to sound out repeatedly, through every possible option of pronunciation, until you realise with a groan what it is supposed to be. LO12NV. 3XWVES. GSGZLR.
Why oh why do personalised plate owners feel the need to impose their alleged sense of humour, supposed sharp wit, and weak attempt at general cleverness on us?
After all, that’s what blogs are for.
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